between her and her and him
by cyclothimic
Summary: Sometimes, she wished she wasn't stuck between two women who were equally caring and carried similar affections for her. Sometimes, she wished James Olsen wouldn't fall for her either. l or Lena is stuck in a love quadrangle and she wants out of it, but everyone knows who she truly loves.


**i just took the rhetoric that james falls for lena in season 3 and the superrreigncorp idea, and twisted them into this jumbled mess of a love quandrangle that nobody wanted. i know that rumor was denied (it was, right?) but i just couldn't get it out of my head because i am trash. i just want lena to be loved by _everyone_ , so this came out of it. **

**let's just assume that lena and the superfriends became friends, okay? and the main couple is still supercorp :)**

 **now read, ponder, and enjoy!**

 _As it had been said:_

 _Love and a cough cannot be concealed._

 _Even a small cough,_

 _Even a small love._

 _-Anne Sexton, Small Wire_

* * *

It seemed as if Lena could do nothing right – ever. She saved a citywide – perhaps even a worldwide – worth of aliens, and she was deemed to be calculating and ungrateful. She saved a citywide – perhaps even a worldwide – worth of aliens for the second time, and her mother took the credit for it, which was quite ironic in retrospection.

Right now, she had to denounce a device that she was certain was going to save people – probably even step down if things get any worse.

Sometimes, she wished she had the steel of her stepmother and the cruelty of her brother. Sometimes, she wished she did not become friends – best friends – with the most popular and heroic alien in National City. Sometimes, she wished she did not get to make the acquaintance of yet another Kryptonian, who was admittedly more morally ambiguous and less secretive. Sometimes, she wished she wasn't stuck between two women who were equally caring and carried similar affections for her. Sometimes, she wished James Olsen wouldn't fall for her either.

Things would be so much easier if those were the cases.

But alas, they were not. Instead, she deeply despised Lillian and Lex for giving her a public image she never wanted – and deeply loved them. Instead, she thoroughly enjoyed the time she had to spend with Kara, and in turn, her friends. Instead, she was more than grateful that Samantha chose to confide in her and trusted her with her daughter. Instead, she found herself reciprocating the two aliens' affections for her. Instead, she found herself enjoying James' company, though she honestly did not feel for him as it was claimed that he felt for her.

It was a love quadrangle that she never asked for and wanted badly to be out of. The only way to get out of it was to make a decision. But that wasn't important for now.

What was important was the podium waiting for her on stage; the speech she had prepared and memorized; her safety; the three people desperate to save her at the first sign of danger.

"Hey." She lifted her head to see James towering over her, looking concerned.

"James."

He tilted his head, his hands shoved in his pockets. "You don't have to do this," he implored.

She quirked a brow, and looked behind her at the crowd that had gathered in the quad, most of them carrying malicious signs and shouting unkind chants. "Yes, I do," she said. He opened his mouth, but she stopped him. "Let's be honest, James, if you don't know me like you do now, you would probably be joining them."

"But I _do_ and they _don't_." He gestured at the crowd, exasperated. "I admit that I was…prejudiced towards you before, because of your brother and my experience with Superman –"

"Clark." He froze. She shrugged. "It's not hard to put together after Kara told me. I'm actually quite disappointed it took me this long to put it together."

James stared at her for a moment before he shook his head. "My point is: if I can get it, if I can go from disliking you –"

"You hated me."

"Will you stop interrupting me?" he said, louder, almost fond.

For the first time since she had reached here, she smiled. "Sorry, bad habit."

He sighed and stepped closer; so close that she could smell his cologne. Subconsciously, she stepped back – she had never been comfortable with touch, and while she was close with him, they still weren't that close. For a moment, there was a flash of hurt in his eyes. She lowered her eyes, unable to bring herself to see that look on his sweet face.

"My point is," he reiterated, "if I can get it, if I can go from hating you to…what I feel for you now," he drifted off. She closed her eyes. Alex and Maggie had hinted that James liked her, but she had refused to accept it, because she wanted to keep whatever friends she had now, and unnecessary romantic dalliances had a lot of potential of ruining friendships. "Then I'm sure that they can too, if you give them time."

"I think as long as my mother and brother are still alive, they will never change their rhetoric about me," she said. "And I'm not going to throw myself out there and be everyone's friend for them to change it."

"We're not asking you to," a new voice joined in. Sam. Lena's eyes inadvertently drifted to the woman's lips, thinking back about that night they kissed and she had run away after that. They hadn't talked about it ever since. "But you can't lose sight of who you are just to pacify a bunch of bigots."

"It's not just a 'bunch'," Lena retorted. "Do you _see_ the crowd?"

"You do know that National City is more than them, right?" Sam said, crossing her arms. "There are people who like you, people who think you are a hero. We're not the only ones. There are always going to be those who find ways to hate you, and you can't let them get to you. I truly believe that this device is going to help a lot – humans and aliens alike. And to scrap it off just because people are scared? It's just stupid."

Lena blinked. Trust Sam to be blunt and call someone with Lena's intellect stupid. But then again, it was the woman's bluntness that had drawn Lena to her in the first place. "Sam –"

"Guys, it's about to start." Kara came up behind Lena, and the raven haired woman almost wanted to lean back. "Alex and Maggie are surrounding the perimeters. I'll be down there. And you guys will be up there with Lena," she reiterated the plan they had discussed a million times before today. "Just remember that Lena's safety is our top priority."

When Lena found the strength to turn around, Kara was already gone, dissolving amidst the haters and the group of journalists waiting to ask her scathing questions. There was hollowness in her chest at the thought of not even getting a word of encouragement from the superhero. She supposed it was her fault for asking for space in the first place after Kara had revealed her true identity to Lena.

And Kara was respecting her wish, keeping her distance, barely talking to her, and only talking to her when it was about official matters.

Lena hadn't even realized that her affections for Kara went beyond the boundaries of friendship until that night, when Kara landed on her balcony dressed as…well, Kara. She hadn't even realized that the craving for Kara's company and the flutters in her chest and the tumbles in her stomach were non-platonic signs. And to add to that, she just found out that her only two friends were actually one and the same. Also, Kara had included a deep revelation of her own feelings for Lena during the entire process of coming out as Supergirl.

So, yeah, not a good combination for a woman who had more than enough on her plate.

It was an overwhelming mountain of emotions – anger, distress, hurt, love etc. Hence, she did the one thing she was good at when it came to human relations: she drew away and asked for space.

And now Kara wouldn't even talk to her like a normal person.

"You should talk to her," James remarked, smiling at her in a melancholic way, as if he already knew that her and him was not going to happen at any rate. "She's respectful of the space you wanted, and the only way to get her to talk to you is to talk to her yourself."

Sam, next to him, had a blank expression. But her arms were still crossed, her posture was straight and lean, and she wasn't looking at Lena.

She considered his words, and then nodded in assent. "After this." She made her way towards the stage, closely followed by Sam and James.

"That's nice of you," she could hear Sam say from behind her.

"At least two of us should be happy out of this whole mess," James replied.

Lena swallowed and ascended the steps, making her way towards the podium. The one person she really wanted to stand behind her was not there, instead there were two people who had added more complication than she had wanted. Still, she appreciated their support, and the fact that Alex and Maggie were clear in sight at the back of the crowd, clearly monitoring the situation in case things got bad.

The crowd only grew louder in their protests at the sight of her, and she almost wanted to take off running. Her eyes quickly found Kara amongst the people, who was looking at her in both worry and sadness. Kara met her eyes, and after a long moment, she mustered an encouraging and offered a thumb up.

Inadvertently, Lena smiled at the show of support and went ahead with her speech.

And because good things _never_ happened whenever she decided to stand on a stage, gunshots started ringing out before she could even make it to the crux of her speech. She could only steal a glance at Kara catching a bullet before she was bulldozed away from the stage by a muscly form. It was through the familiar cologne that she recognized the bulldozer to be James. Still, she stayed crouching, allowing James' entire being to envelop her.

She wasn't scared, per se. She had had enough run-ins with assassins and extremists to start getting familiar with attempts on her life, but she still would like to _stay_ alive, by any means. And then she heard James groan from over her and felt his arms loosening around her, only to entirely let go of her and collapse right next to her.

That was when fear started to take root and she knelt over him. "James?" she whispered, patting his face. His eyes were fluttering, but one could easily see he was trying to focus on her. "James," she repeated, more insistently. He only groaned more. She could see motion from the corner of her mission, and his hand was clutching at his abdomen. She touched the same spot, and lifted her hands to see them tinged with blackish red. "Oh god. Somebody help!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. "Hey, James, listen to me. Come on, listen to my voice. Hey." She leaned down right in front of his face, trying to get him to focus. "No, stay awake, okay? Help is coming. Just stay awake."

"James?" Kara and Sam's voices joined in simultaneously.

"He got – he got shot," Lena stammered, applying pressure to his wound. "I don't – oh my god." He let out a tired grunt, his eyes fluttering close. She pressed harder on his wound, hoping to wake him up with pain. "James, hey, no! Wake up!" she yelled at him.

He was nonresponsive.

She looked up at Kara. "What do I do? I didn't – _Kara_."

Kara swallowed after one look at her – her panic must have been starkly visible – and then nodded. "He's going to be fine, Lena. Don't worry. Alex is calling for medical assistance. Just keep applying pressure, okay? James is going to be fine." She wasn't just trying to reassure Lena; she was trying to reassure herself as well. James was important to _both_ of them.

"Both of you need to calm down," Sam's firm voice interjected their thoughts. She was looking similarly concerned and a little annoyed. "Kara, go change and fly him over to the DEO. He's losing a lot of blood."

Kara and Sam always had a tendency to always be on the opposing sides, equally due to jealousy and constantly contrasting points of views. Lena had always had to be the mediator. But this time, the blonde didn't even flinch when she nodded.

She came near Lena and kissed her on her temple, whispering, "I'll be right back. James is going to be okay."

And then she was off. Not five seconds later, she came back as Supergirl. She crouched down, placing her arm under James, nodded at Lena again, and then flew off.

* * *

"Hey." Alex sat down next to her. Sam and Kara were watching from a distance while conversing with one another. From the looks on their faces, the conversation wasn't going well. "You okay?"

Lena stared at the DEO agent with disbelief. "How can I be?" she snapped.

Instead of taking offense, Alex only nodded in understanding with a sympathetic smile. She hesitated, but reached out and took Lena's hand. "James has got the best medical experts in the National City working on him. He's going to be okay," she offered.

The CEO sighed, tightening her grip on Alex's hand. "I should have listened to you," she whispered.

"Yes, you should." Alex had always been outward with her opinions. "But you shouldn't blame yourself for what happened. This was the action of a prejudiced man who is currently on his way to the nearest mental health facility. This is not your fault."

"He wouldn't have gotten shot if I hadn't insisted on it," Lena said.

At the corner of her eyes, she could see both Kara and Sam flinching; the superhero was pushing off the wall only to be stopped by Sam's arm against her midriff, which sent them into yet another heated discussion done in low tones. Alex followed her gaze and then sighed, turning back to Lena.

"They're worried about you."

"They shouldn't. I'm not the one who got shot."

"That doesn't mean they shouldn't worry about you. The bullet was meant for you," Alex reminded. Lena released Alex's hand and keeled forward, propping her forearms on her knees and covering her face with her hands. "I used to think my sister is the one who got everyone falling to their knees for her, but now I know I'm wrong." Lena lifted her head, throwing her best friend's sister a confused look. Alex shrugged and gestured at Kara and Sam and then at the operation room. "You have two aliens with super strength and a vigilante at your beck and call. Even Kara wouldn't be able to manage that."

"Alex, this is not the time."

"This is as good a time as any," the woman interjected, pinning Lena down with a look. "There's a man literally fighting for his life in there, and there are two women who are fighting with each other to release their frustrations over their worry for you."

"Kara and Sam fight all the time."

"And why do you think that is?" At Lena's silence, the agent sighed. "Look, I know you feel stuck, and you have every right to be. I'm not going to say that I know how you feel, because I've only just came to my big gay awakening like one year ago." Lena couldn't help but joined in with a chuckle. "But here's the thing, even a blind man can see where your heart truly lies," Alex said with a wink. "Kara didn't hide her identity for you because she didn't trust you, Lena. She'd wanted to tell you for a long time, but J'onn and I stopped her, because, well, _we_ didn't trust you yet. I've never seen her so…happy with anyone like she is with you. And this whole space thing? It's killing her. You pretending to be oblivious about how they feel for you? It's killing _all_ three of them."

"I'm not willing to lose a friend because of some petty feelings."

"You can't say that," Alex scolded in a mild tone, frowning in disapproval. "One thing that's worse than not having your feelings reciprocated is to have them _invalidated_." The raven haired woman lowered her head. "It is within their right to love you. Whatever way they go about it is another story. But from what I've seen, they haven't done anything to make you feel uncomfortable or scared. They're just there, loving you in their own ways and waiting for you to make a decision. Yes, Kara shouldn't have lied to you, but you can totally blame that on us. Yes, Sam shouldn't have kissed you, but you kissed her back. Yes, James probably shouldn't have been so overprotective, but that's better than him not caring at all. And yes, you are right to worry that you might lose a friend if you actually make a decision, but I promise you, Lena, you will _not_." Alex wrapped an arm around her back, tugging her close. "You are so lucky, Lena, that we – especially them – care for you so much."

Lena took a deep breath, allowing herself to be huddled up in Alex's embrace. She was just about to say something when she heard footsteps pounding down the hallway, ignoring the four people and opening the doors to the operation room. In a glimpse, she could see James lying on the operating table and the people rushing to him to provide assistance.

She clenched her jaw, extricated herself from Alex's arms, and stood up. "I need some air," she choked out and ran down the opposite side of the hallway, opening the first door she could see and closing herself in. Thankfully, it was empty.

She leaned back against the door and slid down, allowing the emotions that she had been suppressing for _weeks_ to pour out in the form of tears.

Never had she ever imagined herself in this position, and she didn't want it. She didn't want this. If this was how everything was supposed to be, she would rather James continue distrusting her, Sam to not approach her at the café with her daughter, and Kara to not tell her about her double life.

Someone knocked on the door. "Lena?" Sam called. "Lena, hey."

She stayed quiet.

"Hey, you are not alone in this."

She put her hand to her mouth, muffling the sobs. But she knew very well that both Kara and Sam could hear her, what with their enhanced hearing.

There was a muffled discussion on the other side of the door. And then there was another knock. "Hey, Lena," Kara's voice drifted over, soft and gentle. "I – You can cry all you want. You have the right to cry; it's not wrong. And you don't have to open the door if you don't want to." Kara went quiet; Lena kept her hand to her mouth. A dull thud sounded. "I just want you to know that I'm here – we're here. We're not going anywhere. If you want to stay in there until James is okay, it's fine. We'll be here waiting with you."

And at that, Lena couldn't fight it anymore. She removed her hand and sobbed.

"It's okay, Lena. It's all going to be okay. If there's anything I'm sure about James, it's that he's a fighter. And he won't give up. Not when I'm still here ready to tear him a new one for being reckless, not when Alex is ready to examine him and tear him another new one, not when Winn is practically peeing in his chair with worry, not when he still has you to love." A moment later, Kara said, "We won't give up that easily when we still have you to love."

In a speed that probably would have impressed the two aliens out, she scrambled to her feet and opened the door, still miserable looking. Kara was standing there, arms dangling at her sides, seemingly waiting for her. Without casting either Sam or Alex a glance, she threw herself into Kara's ready arms.

While she cried, Kara only pulled her tighter, her palm circling Lena's back comfortingly. "It's okay. James is going to be okay. You're going to be okay," she chanted, pressing her lips to Lena's temple.

And for the first time in what seemed like centuries, Lena believed in those words.

* * *

 **i love the idea that alex became like a surrogate sister to lena. also, i fully understand if you hate me for this. i kinda hate myself a little. anyway, feed me with likes and comments because i live off of them.**

 **i'm also thinking of writing a follow-up piece? what do you think?**


End file.
